I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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