i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
