Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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