my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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