The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I could fuck to npr.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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