Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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