You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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