8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
