You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this