I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.