Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd