living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo