Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.