i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat