and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company