so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
