The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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