it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
