I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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