I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Randomize
