I can text with my tongue
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Someone signed my nipple.
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