you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
