so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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