But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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