im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
