I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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