I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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