What a fucking waste of an outfit
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
