this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
