I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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