this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
false alarm, still single
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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