He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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