i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
