anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
