i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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