girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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