at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
