trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
