I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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