I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
