Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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