I didn't shave. On purpose
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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