i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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