The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She told me I should be a condom model.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
