Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
