When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
