It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
