Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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