nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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