omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
