You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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