In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
