He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
