in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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