Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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