I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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