I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
