I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
