her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
