So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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