i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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