Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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