Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
