I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
