Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
