4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
