he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
