i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
