tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
