Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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