It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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