His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
