I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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